Fast revelations

Praise God, J and I finished our Daniel Fast. It is true as my friend Kari said, nothing quite reveals weakness like a fast. Fasts reveal so much and I am so thankful for the work God did in my heart during this time. 2 things I will mention here. One is He did a work in my over longing. This year the fast has been harder. I wasn't quite as happy eating my vegetables as I did last year. Last year several things that I loved and could eat everyday during a previous fast, I didn't have a taste for. So it was harder to find things I wanted to eat. And I longed for foods that we were fasting from more than last year. I was cutting chicken for chicken noodle soup last week for a friend and that chicken looked so good to me. Oh, chicken! And I just felt the Lord speaking over my heart, I long for you to long for me when you haven't feasted on my word just like you have longed for these foods. Wow, thank you Lord! What an amazing- worth it time. And tying right into that is the second thing the verse when Jesus spoke "Man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Father." Since the fast has ended I have eaten some yummies that I was really looking forward to- it began with a cheeseburger, I've had goldfish and my favorite-- a chocolate chip cookie. Its wonderful to have bread again and chicken on my salad at lunch today and even a few bites of cheese. But I will say, none of those satisfy like hearing a word from the Father. His words are fresh and new and bring life and revival and hope and assurance and love. I pray these words would continue deep into my heart and that this time would count for great things.

too

I love the response I got from L today...

me: I love you, L.

L: Daddy loves me too!

me: Yes, Daddy loves you.

L: And you love me too!

may she always know that so deep in her heart.

Real dollars

Ek made me laugh last night on the way to dance. I wrote her check for her dance tuition and put it in her bag. I asked her to find it and make sure she turned it in to pay for her dances classes. She looked to see how much it was written for and after she read the words and numbers she said, "Oh mommy, I am sure glad these are not real dollars because that would be a lot of dollars!" Oh I wanted to laugh and laugh. She was shocked to hear it was real dollars. I tried to explain about checks and banks and she tried to understand but it was quite humorous. She is a hoot. Hope she appreciated her dance class last night!

B

My sweet dear brother called Sunday to report that he was leaving for Haiti on Saturday. I am really so excited for him to be able to go and serve the Haitians in the name of Jesus during an unbelievable catastrophic trial they are living. I am so grateful that God saw that B is ready to go for Him. I am so grateful to be able to pray for him as he goes and can't wait to hear the report. I remember when B first went to Peru to follow the Lord's call to minster hope to those people and he came home so in awe of God. I wait expectantly to hear what God will do and speak. He will show himself big that's for sure.

And I can't help but think about what it means to those around B to see him say "yes." I already had to confront the thought of sending my J as he was very willing and trying to figure out with a missionary if now was the time for him to go. But I can't help now to think of it in my mom's shoes. Monday night, I watched my H at soccer, he is bigger and stronger than he was in the fall. He is growing in wisdom, he is growing in love and just in all ways. And yet, as we were driving home from the field, he pulled his little legs in criss-crossed and fell asleep. I carried him up to his room and put his train Pjs on him and got his puppy for him and kissed him good night. And I thought, he's growing, but he is still my boy. I will always be his mommy. I will always be 27 years older. He will always be my boy. I think it is quite different to send off a husband verses a son. I see J as stronger than me, he is my leader. I see him as the capable one from my family to follow the Lord far away to a dangerous zone to serve boldly. My H will grow bigger and stronger and faster and hopefully smarter and I hope I will let him grow up as the Lord helps him and yet, I wonder, if part of me will see him as my sweet baby boy. One thing I do know, I love that boy. I love to watch him play hard, I am loving watching him learn to and I love to see him living in joy and love as the beautiful boy God has made him.

So I pray for my dear B. my brother. One who has been a leader to me all my life. One who I have looked up to all my life. And I look up to him again. So excited to see this adventure lived out. Bless him Lord with your presence, your guidance, your protection, your love.

Back to it

H had two soccer practices this week. Mondays was perfect timing to take Ek to dance, go to the soccer field, play and play, and return perfectly to pick her up. Tuesday she got in the car with her usual, "are we going to play with anyone?" with such hope in her voice. I told her "no"- after we homework and prepare food to deliver, we will deliver it to a friend and then dash to the soccer field. She fell distraught. I do not think it was the news or the delivery, I think it was just a tired little person. I told her we are a family and we support one another, that she will have fun a the field and enjoy that H his getting a turn to play. It probably was not the pep talk, but she had such a wonderful time at practice. She began by rolling down hills with little siblings of our dear friends and then she came to check what I was doing. I was helping get balls out of the net and return them to the coaches- J, John and Bill. I made it seem like fabulous fun and again, most likely not me, but she took to it and kept that role for the rest of practice with such joy and enthusiasm. She then ran the end of practice sprints with the boys (and almost won) and came joyfully to car. I am so happy that she choose to have a good attitude. And I hope that we will forever have a joyful attitude to support one another in work, service, play or whatever. And I do realize it was H's soccer practice, so here is the report on him: He did great. He has definitely gotten stronger, faster and more confident. It is fun watching him not be the youngest on the team and have some confidence to get out there and show his little self. He followed the directions and waited patiently for his turn. And he loved having J and me to help coach (probably almost as much as we loved it)(did I mention I wore my soccer cleats? I did). I can't wait to watch his first game and cheer him on. Lastly, I was telling someone that he has 2 friends on his team, J and W, when I was corrected by H that actually all the boys on his team were his friends. Ata boy H.

Frozen phone

Several months ago, my home phone went missing. I probably didn't realize it for several days, just long enough for the battery to die so I couldn't page it. I have been meaning to buy a new one but just really can think of other things I'd rather spend my money on. The phone in the bedroom, that I got in high school, works just fine, although it is not a portable, so I have spent a bit more time sitting while talking, which cuts way into my multi-tasking time. I cleaned out the top shelf of my pantry last week and ran across the other phone that works on our receiver that had not been used since Texas, did I mention Sam had chewed up the head piece terribly?So I decided to see if it would charge, it would be nice to have caller id again and be able to be mobile. So today I was looking through caller id to see if anyone had called and didn't realize I had missed Kim's call, and Leanne's, and Scott and Whites, and Tim's, and Cassie's, and Emily's and, Susanne's Charlotte number and wait a second! these calls are in Texas! The last call was on June 13, we closed on our home on the 15th, moved into to chez Kim and Wayne and welcomed our sweet baby H on the 28th. Wow, what a little time capsule. A little glimpse at my life almost 5 years ago. I remember being so tired of good-byes and tears and last times. And I still miss them. Still miss those faces and places and hugs. So grateful for that sweet time. So grateful there will be a day when good -bye will never be said again.

Worth the wait

Today we had a moment that the Grandmothers have been waiting for. All those years of saving those toys, moving them around, keeping them clean--- all paid off. Ek and H had a ball playing horses today- H with J's horses from his childhood and Ek with my 'my little ponies.' Ek did say I needed more that I didn't have my stable carrying case full enough and I told her that that was all I had, but now that I think about it-- when I was her age, I couldn't have agreed more. HA! The built stables, took them on walks and took them our train rides. It was quite sweet, as always, to see them having fun together. Amazingly they were not jealous of the other's horses but were content with the ones they had. So, thank you Mom and Emma Jean, for saving those ponies all those years for our afternoon of fun today. Although I must say, today wasn't the first day of play for this herd of horses (I'm almost positive "herd" is not right), they have been favorite playmates for some time.

Grateful

I am very grateful for what J does everyday. It still amazes me that God has given J the opportunity to help people in such a huge way. He tells me all the time how much his patients vision has improved and neither of us can get over it. What an amazing gift that God has allowed J to be a part of. He took care of a friend from church maybe a month ago that was so grateful, she made him a cake. We were quite surprised to see a cake like this, but we loved it! She was so tickled to be able to thank him in this way and we were so pleased to receive it, especially the kids. We are grateful that she was grateful and grateful to our God for the opportunity.

Wink, wink

I love to wink at my kids. I'm not sure what I am saying except maybe, I see you and I think you are cute. Last week, H returned the wink! The picture does not do it justice, I love it. Seeing his cute little face and scrunched up is great. He is a cute little guy.

Class picture

Today was Ek and H's class picture day. Ek was so excited about her dress and H was very concerned that his shirt was not "cool" enough. hilarious. We were ready about 15 minutes early, not sure how, and Ek got Dimple ready for her class picture and asked me to teach Dimple preschool today. hilarious. Ek requested they gather together for a quick "class" picture before we loaded up for school.

Cleats

I made a fun purchase today. Sure, I live a bit vicariously through my kids. Somehow I think it is important to see their lives, and while watching, remember my childhood-- the real and the what if. My childhood could not have been better, maybe my kids will say that one day too. So anyway, both kids are going to play soccer in February. Ek has only played soccer at soccer camp and she did great. H has played one season and he did great. Today I went and bought Ek some soccer cleats. Nike soccer cleats. They are black with a while swoop. They are so cool. I hope she feels like she can run like the wind and kick the ball from one end to the other in them. That is the feeling that comes over me when I look at them. Mom gave me my soccer cleats several months ago and I put them on for the first time in years yesterday. so. much. fun. It just took me back. But in a new way. I felt like I was so young when I got out there to play with Ek and H and yet so grown up to be playing soccer in the yard with my kids. It was so fun coaching them and teaching them so of what I know. I can't wait to watch them play again. It will be a crazy month with Ek playing at school and H playing rec, but it will be fun. I pray they will continue to grow healthy and strong and that we will be very aware of how to use that strength for God's glory.

our girls and their dolls

This morning L woke up with a fever. Interesting though, because she has been on antibiotic since Wednesday. Go figure. She perked up pretty well after some Tylenol and we enjoyed a quiet morning while J took Ek and H to church. One of the things we did while home was gather all the bitty baby clothes from around the house. I think we found clothes in 4 places. This evening while J, H and I were in the kitchen cleaning dishes, putting away groceries and cooking supper the girls were in the playroom playing dolls. At one point L came through the kitchen with her baby bag stuffed and said, "I'm going somewhere," and then walked through the living room and called to Ek, "Honey?!" Ek came to the kitchen with Dimble dressed in a gown that she had a matching night gown several Christmases ago. I asked Ek if she was sad that she had outgrown it and would she be sad to see L wear it? She jokingly pouted and went off to play. At bedtime she came out in the matching gown. Not a big surprise at all, a bit surprising that it fit except the lengths. L had chosen her pjs that she had to match her Debbie so a photo op just sprang in front of me. We changed Debbie to match L and away we went. It took L a minute to get adjusted to be just like Ek and her doll. They are sweet girls for sure. So glad our day ended so happy and all together.

Awesome H

Mom told me a story this week from our Christmas visit to G'ville that so clearly describes H and L's relationship. She really adores him and thinks he is quite amazing. Ok- the story. Mom was sitting with L in the bathroom waiting for L to "go." Sometimes it takes a minute and I'm sure L was enjoying just sitting with her Mopsey. So in runs H. Doing his waiting-too-long dance. He barely makes it in time. And upon finishing races back out to go play while L is still sitting. L watches him leave and proclaims out loud with great awe and wonder, "Awesome H."

More that one way to...

H and I made some pizza for lunch the other day. I was so tickled to see how he choose to eat it.

This is the favorite plate in the house. I have to speak with great authority and believablity when I say, "oh, its H's turn, Ek used it last" or vice versa because much wailing will result if I do not. I guess, though, that there is more than one way to eat pizza-- this is a first I've seen of this method.

A picture says a 1000 words

Need I say more about the love these two have for each other. I almost didn't ask J to take a picture because he had just walked in and was quite tired from the day, but I think that shows even more how pleased he was with Ek's portrait of him that she had labored on all afternoon.

Siblings

Sunday afternoon, I needed a bit of rest. J was off seeing a patient he had operated on the night before, so I laid L down, read to H and Ek and told them they needed to play quietly in their rooms for a bit while I rested. They played a long time in their rooms and I didn't hear much of a peep in the monitor. Then L woke up and climbed out of her bed (I now keep the side rail down so she can, I didn't think it was quite fair to have a potty trained toddler stuck in her bed, so now she can safely climb out when she wakes up so she can "go."). I could hear most all of what they were saying and unfortunately, they were not talking very nice (details are not important), so Ek and H were sent to their rooms for an hour by themselves for the first time in their lives. After an hour I went to talk to Ek about the responsibility and privilege of being "first" and oldest in our family. I asked her what she thought was the biggest benefit of being oldest. She said with a bit of hesitation that "sometimes I get the first piece of cake?" Ok. I reminded her that she was the first to go to school, the first to take dance, and the first to turn 6. She will also be the first to turn 16 one day and be the first to drive. But I told her with that comes the big responsibility of helping her brother and sister learn to talk and act. She had just joined in their talk instead of encouraging them to stop. And we needed her to help them make great choices. She came downstairs a new girl. She wanted to help and took our conversation so seriously. She and L went to work and unloaded the entire dishwasher. Now that was not what I was looking for in the conversation but I didn't object. And I loved how she was talking to L, she was saying things like, "No L, that fork doesn't go there, see the size of these, the smaller one goes here." It was so adorable and so sweet. It was so fun to see her teaching her little sister. Meanwhile J had a big talk with H about being the only boy and what responsibilities come along with that, he has been so great with his sisters too. He and L will play and play and laugh and laugh. I just hope they that they can be close and playful and helpful and encouraging to each other.

Shock

I have a moment I would like to remember. This is a moment of mine that I would like to keep and remind my self of one day. It was not an easy moment to come to! J said the other day that Saturday, I made him a perfect cup of coffee!!! Now I have made him many a cup of coffee and many times he heads back over to the creamer or sugar, quietly, and makes adjustments. He has even been known to not drink it at all after the first sip. So for him to say I had made a perfect cup, was, well, close to miracle. He even looked a bit shocked as he said it. I know my expression was pure shock. Ok so here is what happened. He went on a bike ride with Mike. It has been so cold. Like highs barely making 30s. Mike called to ask if he wanted to ride and I was thinking J would say no. Even J was thinking he could say no. But after talking to Mike and telling him no, J changed his mind. He put on every piece of exercise clothes he owns. Well maybe not every, but close, he was a grey marshmallow. They said they would ride an hour. After an hour and a half, I thought, J is going to be cold. It was close to dark, so I knew they would pull in any minute. So I put on a pot of coffee and found the heating pad. I turned the heating pad on high and put it on the couch for him to sit on when he got in. As soon as he walked in, I fixed him coffee, he wrapped his feet up in the heating pad and held the coffee cup in his bright red cold hands. He had a bit of a stare in his eyes, he was cccooollldddd. He didn't say it at the time, but the next day, he said it was the best cup of coffee he had ever had. He quickly went on to say, it wasn't just the coffee, but it was the arrangement. In other words, the creamer/sugar/coffee strength wasn't perfect, but the timing made up for it. Hey, I'll take it. And keep it forever.

"Hide and Seek"

My kids are needing a bit of help in their play of Hide and Seek. And I guess I'm the one who needs to get them where they need to be. #1 Poor Ek. Last night when they were playing I teamed the girls up against the boy. I was really hoping they could find spots made for 2 and Ek could keep L quiet. No such luck. When H would come near, L would pop out with her toothy grin ready to show where they were. Ek did not enjoy that too much. So note to self, help L understand the concept of being found. #2 H needs a bit help learning to stay quiet. H was hiding in the bathroom the other day from L. L comes running into the bathroom, "Daddy, where's H?" Just as J was opening up his mouth to say, "I don't see H," H blurts out, "Daddy Don't tell her I'm in here!" No, note to self, Help H understand he needs to be quiet! #3 L is still coming along in her counting. I remember when Ek was learning to count, she had a thing against "one." He counting for the longest time was "2, 2, 3, 4..." L has a thing against 3. She counts "1, 2, 5, 8!" So note to self, help L with her counting so the others have a few more seconds to hide. They need it.

On a side note, L is feeding me cereal and raisins by the morsel as I type. Sweet thing.

Sat. night

Saturday night we had our dear friend Ronda over for dinner and to watch the Iron Man. Our dear neighbors came over as well to share in the elation and heartbreak of that crazy race. It really was quite amazing to watch those people, some super athletes and some regular people, pushing themselves along toward a goal. They said several people had been couch potatoes 2 years earlier and not able to walk several years earlier. That is some crazy determination, but encouragement that these bodies God has given us can be trained and conditioned. I'm not really seeing myself ever going that far, but I will root for those who do, I may even have one from my own home cross a iron man finish line one day! We will see.

The kids were quite entertaining. Little L was her usual fit-in-with-the-big-kids self. They were serving us dinner when she came walking in with Cinderella High heals like she wasn't adorably cute. When we asked her to show them to us, she pointed that toe like she had professional shoe modeling experience. She came in several minutes later pushing her hair back to reveal her new stick on earrings, "Look mommy, I have earrings." B then dressed her in a hot pink gown, matching shoes, a strand of pearls, and a fuzzy hairband. So silly! And so fun! She was so pleased with her little self. She kids served us so much food, we couldn't bear to eat it all, H served most of it as a puppy. HH joined us at some point and watched the rest of the race. It was a nice, fun evening with really fun friends and playful kids.

Clever Ek

2 clever moments from my Ek: We were talking yesterday about the Texas/ Alabama game tonight. We were talking about the important things like team colors and mascots. They were very intrigued to hear that the Texas mascot was a longhorn bull. Ek said, I cannot remember the direct quote, but something to the effect of, I sure hope the other team doesn't wear red because that bull would be chasing them all over the field! How hilarious that Alabama does actually wear red. And I do think the Horns will be chasing them down!

Today when I took L to school, they were beginning their day by painting penguins. L's shirt was covered in yellow and orange paint. Ek said that it must have been a macaroni penguin. You know, macaroni and cheese, orange and yellow. There most certainly is such a thing as a macaroni penguin, not so much orange and yellow or covered in pasta, but I like the pun. That girl, I tell you what, how clever.

Football Reminiscing

Eleven years ago, during half time of the Peach Bowl, J officially asked me to start dating him. He said he was serious though, and for me to say yes was with the intention that we were moving in a serious direction. When back at school, I felt like I was officially into his life when he was talking with some friends about coming over to watch the national championship football game and I asked him if he wanted me to come. "Of course," he said with a look that made me know that now where he was invited, I was too. "Lucky" for me, when J decides he likes something, he commits to it forever, football teams, coffee creamer, shoes, etc. So thankful the Lord brought us together. Just a little reminiscing with the game on Alabama/ Texas... And I will never be the same when I think about Texas... So thankful for that place and those people for pouring into J and my lives. And speaking of ole' Alabama, I'm sure glad Alabama didn't keep my J from coming to Augusta, but just held him off long enough for me to get to Augusta. Ok that's enough for one night. I'm just thankful for my guy.

Play friends

Today we visited a sweet friend of Ek's for her birthday. The G's have kids the same age and sex but went ahead of us several months ago with a baby boy. As I was there Susanne popped in with her boys. We joking laughed about the age around 1 1/2 where a younger friend has been tormented. H- BP, BP- my L, L- MG, MG- TP, soon it will be TP's turn with JG. Ahhh, so glad its not mine right now!-- either giving or receiving. Their play time was so peaceful, well for a 10 kids age 6 and under. The most interesting thing was how they all paired off-- Ek was playing trains with JP and MG. H was off playing ball with WG (not surprising) and BP. L was playing on the couch with KG and TP. They all had great fun and it was not easy to leave. Thankfully we can do it again.

Learning through tears

Several years ago, a friend in TX was talking about a recent dinner when his daughter would not obey in taking one bite of something that he really felt she should take a bite of. One bite was all he asked. He said they sat for about 2 hours. He finally prayed in his heart, "God if this about me and my stubborn heart, I hear ya, can we please be done sitting here?" Immediately, she took a bite. I have thought about that several times and prayed that prayer several times. L loves a bath. She usually climbs in herself and we have to drag her out. Then onto the lotion that she will put on until her skin will hold no more. Last night she cried from the minute I picked her up to put her in until I got her PJ's on. I looked at J at one point, trying really hard to stay calm and said, 'why is she doing this? I'm just trying to take care of her!' I reminded her of that throughout and told her I loved her and was being kind to her. Then I looked at J and asked him if her thought this is how God feels about us sometimes-- I am just trying to clean you up a bit, get you ready for a good rest. When we were done, I took her in my arms and told her I loved her, she snuggled in to my arms and I knew she loved me too. We have a had a bit of a trial lately with Ek's teacher at school, it has been hard to understand the whys, but with all my heart, I do not want to act as L did last night. I want to live a life of trust in the God of Love and know that all is well where He is, let the joy of the Lord be my strength and peace. I long to trust him more at his word.

my Helpful Puppy

When in G'ville at church, H was not quite sure of an unfamiliar class even though his cousin would be with him. I told him as I did last time we were visiting church that he was more than welcome to come with us as long as he acts as we do, sitting still and listening, if he wants to play then he needs to go to his class. He was wonderful and i was so glad for the time to sit close to him while there. At the end during the alter call, I asked him how I could pray for him. I told I would pray for him to be brave and strong. He said for me to pray for him to be helpful. He really is quite helpful around the house, when I give direct directions and my timing is right. Not so much when he is needing to get outside, if you know what I mean. Several times lately too, he has played helpful puppy. It is a bit tougher for a puppy to carry things where they need to be and communication is a bit harder, but I'll take all the help I can get.

Laughing with, not at, L

While in Athens, L gave us a good laugh, thankfully not a good scare. The GA game was on. I tried hard to keep the kids occupied so J could enjoy the game. The kids and I had a blast on the swing with Pops. L wasn't quite big enough to swing on her own so I had the huge joy of holding her while Pops pushed us. The sheer joy on her face almost brings tears to my eyes to think about, she loved it so much. We had so much fun on that amazing swing. We came in and the kids mostly played garage. It was one of those amazing times where they were all quietly and happily playing side by side. I fixed a bit of dinner for the kids and grown ups. I tried to time it for half time so J would actually eat. I served mom and dad with about a minute to go and sat down too. Then L, sweet little L, locked herself in the bathroom. She wasn't upset, I think she was actually pleased with herself. She tried to turn the knob, I guess she forgot that she turned the knob below to lock the door and realized she was stuck. She at no point even let go of a tear, she just played naively while we wondered how to get her out. "L, can you unlock the door" mom said. "I can't, I don't have the key!" was her reply. A minute later, "L can you turn the little knob?" To which L replied, "Not now, I'm gonna take a shower." Little big person. So brave J and Dad put up the ladder to the second story window, performed a marvelous Spiderman move to reach from the ladder to the window and crawled through. I think J was a bit surprised the next morning to see how far it was from the ladder to the window. L wasn't surprised to see J climb through and not concerned at all to get out. She's a hoot. And a joy to watch grow up.

One more quick L story. The other day in McRae, she was really upset with H at one moment, she came crying and whining. We were trying to comfort her and ask what H had done. She is great with an instant reply reenactment to report wrong doing. Her reply to this tragic moment was "H said rrrroooaaarrrrr!" I asked her again just so J could hear, what happened L? "H said rrrrroooooaaaaarrrrr!" We couldn't help but bend over laughing. She did too.

Unity and Joy

I guess the New Year brings resolutions. I think we all make resolutions all the time, I guess it is just more official on Jan. 1. I didn't really set out to make resolutions, they just fell in my lap this year. I have 2. The first is to make it through the New Testament this year with John. Two years ago, his Thursday morning crew read the One Year Bible all the way and last year they read the Chronological all the way. This year they decided to read the New Testament. I think it is a great idea, less text to read gives more time for deeper reading and deeper pondering. We began with Matthew 1:1 -2:12. We read it over about 3 times yesterday, so familiar and so new. Amazing to think that Jesus saved us from our sins, I think of him just snatching us out of a briar patch. He doesn't just tell us, its ok that your were unkind. He says, you can stop it, I'll rescue you from it. I like that. So, day one, so far so good. I hope for a sweet year in unity to my J. We will begin our 10th year this summer, can't wait for that. Who knew it could be so good. Secondly, I was reading a magazine yesterday and an article about contagious behaviors, like being fit and healthy. Thankfully I am in a community that is fit and healthy, it is very normal to pursue good health. The article was talking largely about the community of our homes and that if parents walk it, there is a great probability the kids will too. And that seems to be true for my kids. But the direction I am wanting to pursue this year is for my home to be a house of joy. That I will seek to live in the fruit of the spirit, putting away my fleshy desires to seek after the things of God, knowing that his fruit will come. And look expectantly for my children's tone, attitude and life to move that way as well. I pray that I will seek to trust God for everything I need, including strength and direction and He will meet me with peace and joy. So here's to 2010, a year of unity and joy.