Forgiven

I made a mistake today. pause. deep breath. I had way too many things on my to-do list and was trying to race around getting them done. The kids were in and out, helping and playing. And then I heard L screaming crying. They were playing in the car that was being packed little by little and her sweet little fingers got closed in the door. deep breath. It was awful. terrible. horrible. excruciating. Thanks be to God, none were broken, she was moving them all. I held her for about an hour. She wouldn't let me keep ice on it, but I tried to keep it elevated. H said he prayed to God and I'm so glad of that. After about an hour, she was off my lap and playing again. She was using that hand fine and playful. If I asked her if she had a boo-boo, she would show me her little hand. Oh goodness, it was just bad. I dropped all my list and played outside, we played in the dirt and rode bikes. After she laid down and J was home, I balled my eyes out. J took H with him to take Ek to a birthday party. I listened to a sermon and called my mom. Since then, the Lord has been able to work in my heart a bit. I was reminded of Beth Moore's talk last week at Bible study and the reminder that if you can handle it all, you don't need God's power and He doesn't receive glory. Well I surely can't handle it all and I know today I asked him for help but I sure didn't ask him for a game plan for the day. I got overwhelmed and suffered. I also think of Ephesians 6 and the reminder to stand firm so that when the evil day comes you will be able to withstand it. I pray God will help me to stand a bit more firm. To focus on the important and not try to load my day so full that I get overwhelmed and fall on my fanny. I am so thankful for this day and pray that L's sweet fingers will continue to be fine and I can learn to seek God's direction for my day and not my own. And I can't help but think on the day before Easter, when Christ was taking on my sin what does all this mean. It means, here I sit in peace, I feel a bit disciplined, but peaceful, that I am in a covenant of love and that I sit forgiven. I do not sit in shame, but stand in strength that the One who died, rose for victory. I am so sorry to my sweet L, that I put her a place to get hurt. And am so thankful to get to try again and again to love her well.